mothers day hearts:andy*I wrote this post last year, 2016 for Mother’s Day…for my son. I’m re- posting it because it’s just as relevant today as it was a year ago. I’m re- posting also because there’s so much more hate, sadness, grief in the world today than there was this time last year…..so I want to try to post stories that are hopeful and happy….where love is the answer. “Whatever the question, love is the answer.”

PS In the past few months, I have started an online store, La Casa de Roses/House of Roses. There are hearts and crosses and home altars for Mother’s Day, Graduation, Weddings etc….pink heart:purple rose wedding

for the times of transition and TRANSCENDENCE……….

Mother’s Day 2016

I wasn’t going to write anything today..not feeling very hopeful or inspired about anything lately..but then my son, Andy posted this on my Facebook page:

“Happy Mother’s Day!! Thank you for the great experiences you gave me like the time you took me to see Bob Marley and the Wailers when I was seven years old.”

And I remembered.

I was 22 years old when Andy was born in July of 1969. I had had a miscarriage on my 21rst birthday and I didn’t want to get my hopes up..actually it seemed like then that I was cursed somehow, that everyone, everything around me died..but there he was, such a miracle, strong and healthy and weighing 8 ponds 3 ounces.

From that time on, I took him everywhere with me…andy 5 wksWhen he was a tiny baby, we often drove back and forth from Galveston to Houston. There weren’t real car seats then..just kind of flimsy canvas things that attached to the seat..but he did just fine.

He went to movies with me like One Flew over the Cuckoos Nest and like he said, I took him to see Bob Marley when he was seven, an experience of a lifetime that would never come again because Bob Marley died just a year later.

When there was something happening that seemed important, I just took out of school. Once to see the Dalai Lama, once to see Prince Charles, sometimes to visit close friends in Austin….andy:nicole Once to visit a friend on Sea Island, Georgia.my 60s boyWhen he was five and I was seeing John Bradshaw for counseling at Christ Church Cathedral in Houston, I took Andy with me and he would play quietly outside the room. As he got a little older, he drew a lot …about life..

andy draw-life.jpg

LIFE IS GOOD by Andy Pickard

Of course, none of this would be allowed in these ‘advanced’ times where there’s so little freedom and a new law every day. He would have been taken away from me, sent to live in a foster home probably.

When Andy was a teenager, I often took him with me to visit the hospice patients I was working with and sometimes he was there just moments before they died. Out of these experiences came the many documentaries we later made together on death and dying, hospice etc

filming ekr

Filming Elisabeth Kubler-Ross  for our documentary, We’re Almost Home Now

films of the dying:peter

I wasn’t a great mother. I was young, EXTREMELY emotionally unstable and I had no role models and no support really.File_01 hippie family copy I did the best I could, though there are many things I would have done differently if I had understood..but I wouldn’t change these experiences, none of them. I think, actually I know, that they have contributed to making him the amazing, wonderful person he is.premie rb

andy, p, cbutterfly family

As things have grown more and more difficult for me recently, there are very, very few people I have been able to count on..maybe 4 or 5 at most but my son has always been there for me….ALWAYSANDY THE EDITOR



1 thought on “ON MOTHER’S DAY: For My Son

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