valentine-heartsI was about to write a post about money… I was going to call it “Two Years Without A Whole Lotta Money..and What I Learned”…but Jody [The Brown Piglet] had just finished making these beautiful Valentine giftsjodypaint-heartsand I remembered a Valentine story I read once. It took me a while to find it again but I loved the story and wanted to post it.. and it actually does have something to do with the story that I was going to write.

Because one of the most important things I’ve learned in these last couple years with very little money, is to appreciate the smallest things. I always thought that I did but not until almost everything was taken away did I really understand.

Understand and appreciate simple acts of kindness that might have gone unnoticed like a few days ago when I was paying my long overdue bill at the feed store. I was feeling embarrassed and guilty for being so late in paying and as I was waiting in line, a man I had never seen before, came up to me to let me know that I hadn’t put the cap back on my gas tank. He was very over weight and it was quite a long walk from the parking lot… just to let me know…who would bother or even notice..

So simple and yet he changed my mood, changed my day….from humiliation to happiness. I’ve been learning to be happy too..with very little.

So here’s the story and then my favorite film clip on paying it forward which is also related.

valentine-cropped-one-heart“The Valentine”

by Ruth McDonald

He was a shy little boy, not very popular with the other children in Grade One. As Valentine’s Day approached, his mother was delighted when he asked her one evening to sit down and write the names of all the children in his class so that he could make a Valentine for each. Slowly he remembered each name aloud, and his mother recorded them on a piece of paper. He worried endlessly for fear he would forget someone.

Armed with a book of Valentines to cut out, with scissors and crayons and paste, he plodded his conscientious way down the list. When each one was finished, his mother printed the name on a piece of paper and watched him laboriously copy it. As the pile of finished Valentines grew, so did his satisfaction.

About this time, his mother began to worry whether the other children would make Valentines for him. He hurried home so fast each afternoon to get on with this task, that it seemed likely the other children playing along the street would forget his existence altogether. How absolutely horrible if he went to the party armed with 37 tokens of love — and no one had remembered him! She wondered if there was some way she could sneak a few Valentines among those he was making so that he would be sure ofreceiving at least a few. But he watched his hoard so jealously, and counted them ever so lovingly,that there was no chance to slip in an extra. She assumed the mother’s most normal role of patient waiting.

The day the Valentine box finally arrived, and she watched him trudge of the snowy street, a box of heart-shaped cookies in one hand, a shopping bag clutched in the other with 37 neat tokens of his labor. She watched him with a burning heart. “Please, God, she prayed, let him get at-least a few!”

All afternoon her hands were busy here and there,but her heart was at the school. At half past three, she took her knitting and sat with studied coincidence in a chair that gave her a full view of the street.

Finally, he appeared alone. Her heart sank. Up the street he came, turning every once in a while to back up a few steps into the wind. She strained her eyes to see his face. At that distance it was just a rosy blur.

It was not until he turned in at the walk that she saw it — the one lone Valentine clutched in his little red mitt. Only one. After all his work. And from the teacher probably. The knitting blurred before her eyes. If only you could stand before your child and life! She laid down her work and walked to meet him at the door.

“What rosy cheeks!” she said. “Here let me untie your scarf. Were the cookies good?” 

He turned toward her a face shining with happiness and complete fulfillment. “Do you know what?” he said.” I didn’t forget a one. Not a single one.


Last night I was sitting in my fake fur covered rocking chair next to the fire that I had just made in the wood stove. It’s my favorite thing  to do on winter nights-sometimes I read and sometimes I just watch the fire and I feel sorry for anyone who doesn’t have a wood stove. The fire is so comforting.

beautiful woodstove:ht

Last night I was reading The Corpse on the Dyke, a detective novel by the Dutch author, Janwillem Van de Wetering.

corpse_dyke I love his books because he combines his personal experience as a Zen Monk with his later- in- life experience as a police officer on the Amsterdam Police Force. And despite the titles-The Japanese Corpse, Death of a Hawker etc, his books are not violent but entertaining and filled with both humor and wisdom.

Anyway, as I was reading, I came across this quote:

“Nobody carries firearms in Holland. To carry a firearm is a crime. Even an unloaded gun in a man’s pocket draws a heavy fine and a stretch in jail. Nobody gets a license to carry arms. For sport, yes but only to take the gun, suitably wrapped up, directly from one’s house to the shooting club and straight back again. And even a sporting license is hard to be obtained and the police want references.”

So I was thinking about the whole obsession with guns in this country [the US] and I remembered an experience I had several years ago when I went to Manitoba to work on our documentary, Manitou Api~Where the Sun Rises.manitou cover

Manitou Api~Where the Sun Rises is about several things but its primary focus is in bringing to light The 7 Sacred Teachings of the Anishnabe People. These Teachings are: Love, Respect, Courage, Honesty, Wisdom, Honesty and Truth  and each is represented by an animal.

We had been able to film actual footage or find stock footage for all of the animals except Bigfoot who represents Honesty. So I had no choice but to rent a Bigfoot costume which I did- a very authentic looking [and very expensive] costume from a company in California.bigfoot-putting-him-on

It was quite a challenge–bringing the costume through Canadian Customs and then finding someone tall enough to wear it–the person who would wear it had to be close to seven feet tall but we found someone -a bouncer at a ‘gentleman’s club’and when he put the costume on, he was Bigfoot.close-up sasquatch

Our cameraman wanted to film Bigfoot walking through a very wooded section of a park but I was afraid for him.bigfoot-green I was afraid someone would shoot him and told our cameraman so.bob-bigfoot-color copyI remember he looked at me like I was crazy. “Cindy” he said “We don’t do that here.”

But we do that HERE!

A few days ago, I saw this comment:

“Trump will give everyone a gun.”

WHY??? Why does everyone have to have a gun? For what? I don’t want one.

And I grew up with guns..we had a big closet in our house where several guns were kept. My dad and my stepbrothers hunted and that’s what the guns were for. Most everyone we knew-the men and a few women-hunted and I never thought much about it. We ate what they killed-usually dove and venison sausage. I didn’t care much for hunting because of my love for animals, still at the time it seemed acceptable.

But it isn’t like that now…guns are mainly for killing People and they are connected with HATE-hate, fear, racism, ugliness.

And it turns out that many, probably most of the gun rights advocates are Christian as are those in the government who can hardly wait to start another war….  how do they justify all of this, how do they fit this together with the Christian teachings ?…I mean “Explain it to me like I’m a 2 year old.” [one of my favorite lines from the movie Philadelphia.]

Because I don’t get it!

Really what would Jesus say and do..and all the others who came to this Earth to teach and bring peace, kindness, tolerance and compassion?  I don’t know…I’m not a Christian …[or a Liberal or a Conservative or a Pacifist or a Feminist or any of that– I refuse to be put into a category]  but I do know that this is hypocrisy in the extreme, much worse really and I know that there are universal laws that we’re all meant to live by….and they don’t involve or include promoting hate, racism, war, violence etc

There is another way to live.*The 7 Sacred Teachings below…. point to this way

Below are a couple of video clips: an SNL skit on gun control,  2 clips on the 7 SACRED TEACHINGS and a clip from the movie Harry and the Hendersons [about Bigfoot-another teacher of peace]

THE GARDEN AND THE CIRCUS [DREAMWORLD] *You have to see the Circus before you can get to the Garden

“The More Real You Get, the More Unreal the World Gets.”

-John Lennon

“I have come here to lose the smog
And I feel to be a cog in something turning
Well maybe it is just the time of year
Or maybe it’s the time of man
I don’t know who l am
But you know life is for learning
We are stardust
We are golden
And we’ve got to get ourselves
Back to the garden”

~from WOODSTOCK written by Joni Mitchell

“Every human being is a raindrop. And when enough raindrops become clear and coherent, then they become the power of the storm.”

~John Trudell

I’ve been thinking about writing something for the New Year but haven’t felt inspired, didn’t know what to write. A few days ago,  I was thinking about writing about a Winter Morning.  The night before we had gotten about a foot of snow here in northeastern New Mexicoapollosnowjan-17

and my wolfdogs seemed so happy. They have a huge fenced in area… los-lobos2longshot-snowand I love to watch them running and playing in the snow–2 of them were rescued from the brink of death and now it seems, they are where they belong.

And then later I was sitting in my little sun-room,geraniumssunroombright appreciating the warmth from the big south facing windows, admiring my flowers and plants with the snow in the background.snapdragons-against-snow


I love the winters here–I missed Winter so much all the years I lived in Texas.   I remember when I was in Maine several years ago, having dinner with some friends and they were talking about how we need the 4 seasons. The 4 seasons-spring, summer, fall and winter are like the 4 seasons of life they said-childhood, young adult, middle age, old age. We need them all.

So I was feeling peaceful and appreciative and then I happened to click on the Yahoo ‘News’ and I saw the breaking news that several people had been shot and killed at the Ft Lauderdale Airport. Another day , Another Shooting…

“The great lie is that it is civilization. It’s not civilized. It has been literally the most blood thirsty brutalizing system ever imposed upon this planet. That is not civilization. That’s the great lie, is that it represents civilization.”

~John Trudell, Native American author, poet, actor, musician, and political activist


Lately I’ve been seeing life, this life on Earth as a Circus..a Circus that grows increasingly more insane every day.

I don’t live in the Circus though-I’m just watching it….maybe because I live so ‘far from the madding crowd’. Life is pretty simple out here in this little village in the mountains of northeastern New Mexico. I don’t have TV, I live off the grid, there’s no traffic, I live in a a small, old world Hispanic community where everyone helps each other out and the barter system is still very much alive.

But I  do read a lot..and I see the circus, the dream world more and more clearly every dayemperor-child and so I’m putting some video clips at the end of this post for those who are tired of pretending, who prefer the truth, who  will take the red pill, unpleasant as it may be..knowing that the truth will set us free. the-emperors-new-clothes*Maybe because I grew up in a world where no one dared to say the emperor has no clothes, maybe I became highly allergic to pretending, to ‘the false fine, fine’ as someone called it or to ‘these sort of things don’t happen in nice families’–things like domestic violence or suicide. Immediately after my 16 year old brother killed himself, all the pictures of him disappeared..he was never spoken of again and so those who came into the family later, never knew he existed..because…these things don’t happen in ‘nice families’.


James Philip David Jr. ‘FLIP’ 1950-1966

People [most of them] want to get along, they want peace, beauty, a better world for their children and grandchildren but there are those who don’t and they create hate, racism, fear and violence. They are the Masters of War. They can be found in politics, in government, in positions of ‘leadership’. They are the few, WE ARE THE MANY.


“I have come here to lose the smog
And I feel to be a cog in something turning
Well maybe it is just the time of year
Or maybe it’s the time of man
I don’t know who l am
But you know life is for learning
We are stardust
We are golden
And we’ve got to get ourselves
Back to the garden”

~from WOODSTOCK written by Joni Mitchell

So in order to get back to the garden, you have to first see the CIRCUS. It’s so easy to see but in this world of pretending, of materialism, of extreme brainwashing, many prefer not to.sheeple

“Think not forever of yourselves, O chiefs nor of your own generation. Think of the continuing generations of our families, think of our grandchildren and of those yet unborn, whose faces are coming from beneath the ground.”

~—Deganawida (The Great Peacemaker) 1200AD

I think there is this to consider though. Even if we ourselves aren’t interested, it seems to me that we should be concerned for our children and grandchildren. This world cannot survive much longer as it is..8th fire stills_pollution

In my own life, my efforts are all toward going back to the garden, of looking to find the balance between heaven and earth…

hobbiton sign front close copy

I’m pretty normal  I think….not weird or far out.  I’ve spent a large part my life working with terminally ill people and their families and from them, I have learned most everything I’ve needed to know about life.

Growing up, I went to excellent schools but I realized recently that I never learned much of anything there, not much I could really use….LIFE has been my teacher.

It’s funny..we do have the technologies to be able to turn this world into a garden of Eden and we could do it in 10 yrs time if we had the political will

Mark Meyers, Solar Desiger

By choice I live pretty simply these days. I live off the grid and so I only have one utility-a small amount of propane. Electricity comes from the sun, wood for heating from the forest, herbs and vegetables from the greenhouse.

I’m not a patriot [oh no! people will say..not friends with you anymore!], I don’t believe Columbus discovered America, I’m not a Republican or a Democrat, I’m not religious but I make every effort to stay spiritually connected and to live as I was taught by my greatest teacher, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: to follow my intuition no matter what, to always take the highest choice and to remember that

“You have to temper the iron. Every hardship is an opportunity that you are given, an opportunity to grow. To grow is the sole purpose of existence on this planet Earth. You will not grow if you sit in a beautiful flower garden, but you will grow if you are sick, if you are in pain, if you experience losses, and if you do not put your head in the sand, but take the pain as a gift to you with a very, very specific purpose.”
~Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Most of all though, I care about this Earth, our home. I want life here to go on but in a beautiful way, in the way that it could and I want in my small way, to leave things better than I found them.

Below are some video clips–the subjects range from the current economy to diet, to the origination of the AIDS virus to spirituality

These are for me anyway, some, a few of the Truth Tellers. They cut through the ENORMOUS amount of propaganda/lies being put forward in these times and they offer rays of hope and another way of seeing. However we may want to pretend otherwise, these are the times of transition..the ego based systems are dissolving, the caterpillar must turn into a butterfly…there is no other choice.

Eckhart Tolle

Eckhart Tolle is a world renown spiritual teacher. He wrote the international best-sellers The Power of Now and The New Earth

John Trudell

John Trudell who died just recently, was a Native American author, poet, actor, musician, and political activist. Robert Redford has said that talking with him was similar to what he imagined talking with the Dalai Lama would be like.

Dr. Len Horowitz

Educated  at Harvard, Dr Len Horowitz was living a mainstream life until he was sent to investigate the Florida dentist who purposely infected one of his patients with AIDS. Following a paper trail, Dr.Horowitz  discovered where and how AIDS actually originated.

David Icke

David Vaughan Icke  is an English writer and public speaker. A former footballer and sports broadcaster, Icke has made his name since the 1990s as a professional conspiracy theorist, calling himself a “full time investigator into who and what is really controlling the world.”

*NOTE: conspiracies are no longer conspiracies but the can find conspiracies now by reading the mainstream, so called ‘news’

Richie Allen Radio Shows

Richie Allen has been producing and presenting television and radio programs for the best part of sixteen years.

The show features up to the minute news analysis by researchers, journalists and academics who are ignored by the corporate controlled media, as well as featuring activists from all around the world who are making a difference in their communities every day. People are tired of hearing about the problems, they want to hear of positive solutions.

That is why the show, while challenging the mainstream medias version of events, focuses heavily on the men and women who are trying to cause a seismic shift in the current paradigm. The skype line to the show will be open for listeners to call in and have their say. There will be no censorship.

Prince Ea

Born and raised on the North Side of St. Louis Missouri, twenty-­eight year old poet, filmmaker, and speaker.

*I came across this video, Why School Sucks on the Facebook page of a 14 year old boy who committed suicide. This was his last post before he killed himself and he wrote underneath it “I hope all of my teachers see this.”

Njacko Backo

From his early days as a marginalized youth in the village of Bazou, Njacko has risen above circumstance to become a living testament to the transformative power of music; an award-winning musician, a beloved music al educator; an evangelist for the idea that wealth is to be found in community, not in worldly possessions; and a generous philanthropist who is currently rebuilding a school in the very same town that once treated him as an outcast.

*this clip is from our documentary, Manitou Api~Where the Sun Rises

8th Fire – Njacko Backo clip from Andy Pickard on Vimeo.


Born and raised in a small coastal town in Maine, Kirtana has been playing guitar and writing songs since she was eleven years old. In Kirtana’s own words, the best description for both her music and her purpose in sharing it is to “celebrate divine love and the truth of who we are.”

Chemtrails [If you don’t see them and wonder why they’re there, then I don’t know what to say. They’re here this very moment destroying the beautiful clear skies of northern New Mexico]

WOODSTOCK/Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young [no explanation needed]


*You can google the following and it’s nothing to do with taking sides in the ‘election’..just brings to mind the Mexican proverb “Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are”

-Spirit cooking/John Podesta

-International Pedophile Ring

-Convicted Pedophile, Jeffrey Epstein and the Clintons and others